"Why don't you just come out to your parents?" GASP, OMG! WTF!
I find it impressive that most people are still in the closet
especially with parents. In this more modern society, many of us are
already out to some friends (support systems) but most of us shyed away
from the concept of outing to our families.
I mean, I don't blame "us" for staying in the closet, Asian family
profile is just so complicated. Once you are out to someone with a
simple sentence like "Oh btw Auntie, I am gay" and the next thing you
know, you will have the wife of the brother of the uncle who married the
Auntie's niece calling you saying "Oh, I heard you are getting a sex
change! Aiyo! Don't do that la!!". Ok, I might have exaggerated a bit
there (or did I?) but I sincerely believe that many of us stayed in the
closet because of our complicated family.
I came out to my mother almost by accident, literally. She found a
letter of my ex (to me) in my room (what is with Asian mothers not
understanding our space of privacy?) and she called me (I was in NZ, she
was in Asia) and confronted me. At that time since I had already
broken up with my ex I told her it was just a phase. I could still
remember the sadness she transgressed within her tone saying how
disappointed she was with me.
Two months down the line, she visited me in NZ unannounced and
actually I was already in another relationship with another woman. She
found out about that relationship and went ballistic (no, filthy minds,
she didn't find us in bed or whatever, my ex delivered some rose to my
apartment and my mom saw it, that's all!), she grabbed everything she
could find and threw it at me. I had never seen her being so angry at
anything... but I suppose that emotion was mixed with disappointment,
anger, hatred (of a lifestyle she didn't understand) and possibly guilt
(she believed that she had made me this way). It was an awful awful
day and I do not wish it upon anyone.
That said, 10 years down the line, my mother is slowly accepting that
she couldn't change me, not with mean words, anger, threats, love..
anything. I am who I am and I had paved my own pavement to future.
Being 'out' is not easy. People looked at your different. Men gives
this insinuation that you just need a 'man' to straightened you up
(yes, cliche, but it's true). Women think that you are hitting on them
even if you just did something nice like bring them coffee. I am going
to admit that I am not 100% out. The people in my workplace do not know
about me and I will never divulge such information to my aunties or
uncles or their husbands and wives.
If you think about statistics, it is impossible to say that there
aren't any gay people in the.. say... 1940s, 50s 60s. Most of the
Aunties and Uncles I know are born in that era... and most of them are
indeed married. (The divorce rate in South East Asia isn't that high)
and I find it hard to believe that these "blissful" couples are all
straight. How is that possible when 1 in every 40 person is gay?
Anyways, I will leave that for you to ponder. For now, I am going to
have a drink (coffee!) with my best friend who also happened to be gay
:).
Love you all
K
No comments:
Post a Comment