I recently spoke to (ok got rejected by) someone whom, to me,
was one of the most beautiful individual I had even known. Perfectly flawed in her own ways if you
may. Her way of rejecting me was kind
but succinct, she pointed out all the flaws that she has and that she didn’t
want to hurt me with them and told me to just ‘back off’. I heard the rejection loud and clear and did
back off and now mourning the pain that my heart is undergoing. Now I backed off not because she was flawed,
far from it, I just respected her enough to understand that she couldn’t return
the affection that I wanted from her. That
chapter of mine is officially closed with some bittersweet agony that I shall
not bore you with. I had knew of her
flaws even before she openly shot me with them (I am quite observant you see
*snicker*) and had already accepted them even before she unceremoniously
rejected me.
That said, we are all imperfect in our own ways, I know that
because I am so flawed that I sometimes wondered why people were even
interested in me at all. I can clearly
see my flaws and I embraced them, understand them and hope that one day I shall
be able to change them (of course that won’t ever happen, but seem like the
polite thing to say, no?). I have been through (cough) quite a number of
relationships, many of these individuals I was just being together with because
saying no was actually rather difficult for me (when I was younger). During
this time of being with people that I do not really loved, I find it hard to
stomach their flaws, what others might find endearing was a total annoyance to
me. I know I couldn’t change them, so I
leave. During the off-chance that I did
fall in love, the person I was in love with was filled with so many defects that
none of my friends could understand my devotion towards her. But in love we are blinded. I never regretted giving that level of
commitment to my ex and while she might be flawed, she had filled my heart with
so much love that I hope that I shall be able to love like that again.
I am now older and (cough) wiser and know that should I commit
myself into my next relationship, I do hope that it shall be my last, my one
and only and my forever. I know that is
somewhat romanticized but I am way too old to be fiddling with the maybes and
not engage myself in something of more substance. So back to my topic of imperfections. I feel that we as human tend to like to look
microscopically into the flaws. As the
old adage goes, we looked so hard at the scratch that we missed the
diamond. A lot of relationships break
down because we are too focused on the bad and didn’t give enough attention to
the good. Once we understand that we are
equally (if not more) imperfect that the person we chose to be with, perhaps,
just perhaps, we might be able to build some level of tolerance. If the characters were really mismatched
(yes, mismatch, not imperfect) perhaps it is the more gallant thing to just
walk away (as I did).
I have a friend who complained ceaselessly about her
girlfriend, how the girlfriend chewed so loudly, how she always put on shoes so
slowly and how she liked to put on makeup before heading out. When the girlfriend finally couldn’t handle
the incessant complains and left, suddenly, the flaws became almost irrelevant,
the “ex” suddenly became a person who was compassionate, who looked after her
when she was unwell and made the best soup in the world.. things that were so
clearly there even to outsiders like us was so minute during the relationship.
If you look for imperfections hard enough, you will always
find them. Now the question is, is it
really worth it?
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