Can old love prevail?

It's currently 2am and I have difficulty sleeping.  I had an exciting couple of days that should have completely exhaust me but it did just the opposite and gave me insomnia instead. 

Whenever I suffer incessant insomnia (which is very rare, I assure you) I will start to think about the most mundane things of life.  And tonight, with nothing but silence as companion, I started to think about old love..

I personally believe that all self respecting lesbians (even the ones with no self respect) should have watched The L Word series.  Ahhh... good series, I do miss the diatribe between Jenny and Bette (who is also Jenny in real life, go figure) and humourous banters amongst Alice and... well, just whoever.. Wish they would one day bring such a series back. 

Anyways, I digressed (I do that very often).  I was talking about old Love and L Word.  See, I am one of those old romantics who felt that Bette and Tina's storyline (particularly in Season 5) was very well written.  When they re-kissed the first time since the horrible break up, it brought shivers down my spine. Then they underwent an excruciating journey of hiding their escapades, it brought such pain (and excitement) to me. And of course they did eventually get back together, and I with their million of fans cheered the writers for making such a decision (after 2 prior seasons of utter wrongs). I now wait in eager anticipation that Calleigh and Arizona of Grey's Anatomy shall meet the same fate (of course, that will just have to wait till next year). 

Now, I am not proud of this, but I have several exes.  Several! I am one of those cliche bisexuals that fall madly in love so quickly and then realised how wrong it was to U-Haul.  I have thence grew up from that with a series of heart breaks (sometimes not mine) and roadkills (not literally). 

That said, I did have a couple of big love.  One of them being a wonderful person, lets call her Nat for now, in New Zealand.  I met her eons ago when I was just a toddler in this really new world that i have exposed myself to.  We dated very briefly for only 3 months.  But you know how intense the first 3 months of any relationship can be? Right right? I know you know it. *wink*.  We broke up for several reasons really, that I had to return to asia, that I was too anal (hey I was freshly exposed to that world, so you have to give me a break for being... prudish), that she had difficulty staying sober.  All the cliches you can think of, we been through it.   But ugh, lets not talk about the break up and the relationship.  We had and still have a certain chemistry about us, we seem to understand each other very well.. one of those relationships where we can understand each other just via a smile, a knowing look, a touch, a hug.. it was definitely surreal.  

The break up, on the other hand, was nasty.  I literally hated her for a year (that was me saying it took me a year to get over her).  Now 7 years down the line... things have changed, the whole world moved forward, but me and Nat, well, we remained friends (kinda).  We called each other during festivity periods and we both suffered a series of failed torrent relationships but therein remains this lil chemistry between us that allow us to still laugh about the same thing.  I believe this is as close to soul mates as I could ever get.

Now I don't believe that Nat and I will ever get back together, the distance itself is already quite a biatch and after 7 years apart we have both changed and evolved into another person.  I am certainly not as naive as I once were (oh thank goodness for that) and we are both in relationships that seem to suit us.  Infact if me and Nat still stand a chance, it would have completely terrified me.  The notion would be devastating to everything and everyone around me, going back to New Zealand is simply not an option for me now.  Perhaps in another 10 - 15 years when we were both old and fat and undesirable hehehe. 

But how romantic would it be to be able to to go back to one's old love.. to be able to sink yourself into something so familiar yet so terrifying.  I don't know if it's just a hollywood illusion (The L Word, Notting Hill, Sally meet Harry) or just that human beings want to keep this bit of idealism about us.  I hope all the old loves out there find happiness and live the romantic life that we watched of in televisions.  

For now, I shall pen off.

Good night.