Love or the promise of love is a powerful thing, the chemical level
of such emotion is beyond even the best of us, we aren't able to think
straight (no pun intended), we make promises based on such emotion that
it would be akin-ed to being blind and rather self-sacrificial. I am
not that great, seriously, a rather simplistic person with several
flaws. Pretty, but not that pretty, sexy but not that sexy, smart but
that smart.. pretty average if you may. But I have encountered people
who fall in love with me within 6 hours of knowing me.
That might sound like a bluff, even snobbish, but it happened. During said time, the person would have promised the world to me. In the heat of passion, they would make extravagant promises that, when I was younger, believed without doubt. Of course, when the enchantment was lifted, people started to see my flaws (which, I must admit, was several) and became to distant themselves, tempers started to flare, jealously became a driving point, suspicions became all too common, complacency became a daily routine.. until eventually the relationship broke, my heart shattered and all promises were off. I once had an ex who did a tattoo for me, and told me that it was a symbol of our permanence.. but once we broke up and I asked her about the tattoo (with glimmer of hope in my heart and soul) she told me blatantly that it was but a tattoo and she had plenty of them.
I am no longer young, reaching the dreaded middle age if anything, but I still have the blessing of people becoming enchanted by my being. But I no longer believed in promises, or the passion that it entails. I became hardened, distanced, guarded. I tend not to fall in love as frivolously and guarded my now extremely scarred heart with a thick wall. That said, I also stopped believing the spells that is cast unto my suitors and enchanted them. I started to lay out the cards more openly now. Perhaps it is age, perhaps it is just knowing myself better, I felt that my flaws had reduced but whatever remained can still be devastating to the person who might end up being with me. I told them of things about me, things that perhaps my mother doesn't even know. Some might choose to run, several preferred to stay. I believe those who stayed are still enchanted, but at least I gave them full disclosure of my inabilities and my deficiencies. I have no regret of such action now, I no longer felt ashamed of what I cannot do, or that I can be such a spoilt brat.. I rather have full disclosure than to completely wreck people who promised me the world, the ocean and all the aquatic animals it entailed.
I love my life now, it is simple, quiet, I have the ability to take care of myself and I live in simple luxury. I don't believe that I need anyone to fill any possible emotional void that is created by years of heart aches and hurt. I have emotional baggage and I am not proud of it. I also do not wish to burden any future beaus that might come my way. However, should there be one person out there who is willing to accept my flaws, to understand them rather than to change them.. I will give my whole heart to the person, give the person love, compassion and utmost submission. Ultimately I will make it the most worthy experience that one could ever encounter. Until such person exists, I am rather comfortable being on my own.
K
That might sound like a bluff, even snobbish, but it happened. During said time, the person would have promised the world to me. In the heat of passion, they would make extravagant promises that, when I was younger, believed without doubt. Of course, when the enchantment was lifted, people started to see my flaws (which, I must admit, was several) and became to distant themselves, tempers started to flare, jealously became a driving point, suspicions became all too common, complacency became a daily routine.. until eventually the relationship broke, my heart shattered and all promises were off. I once had an ex who did a tattoo for me, and told me that it was a symbol of our permanence.. but once we broke up and I asked her about the tattoo (with glimmer of hope in my heart and soul) she told me blatantly that it was but a tattoo and she had plenty of them.
I am no longer young, reaching the dreaded middle age if anything, but I still have the blessing of people becoming enchanted by my being. But I no longer believed in promises, or the passion that it entails. I became hardened, distanced, guarded. I tend not to fall in love as frivolously and guarded my now extremely scarred heart with a thick wall. That said, I also stopped believing the spells that is cast unto my suitors and enchanted them. I started to lay out the cards more openly now. Perhaps it is age, perhaps it is just knowing myself better, I felt that my flaws had reduced but whatever remained can still be devastating to the person who might end up being with me. I told them of things about me, things that perhaps my mother doesn't even know. Some might choose to run, several preferred to stay. I believe those who stayed are still enchanted, but at least I gave them full disclosure of my inabilities and my deficiencies. I have no regret of such action now, I no longer felt ashamed of what I cannot do, or that I can be such a spoilt brat.. I rather have full disclosure than to completely wreck people who promised me the world, the ocean and all the aquatic animals it entailed.
I love my life now, it is simple, quiet, I have the ability to take care of myself and I live in simple luxury. I don't believe that I need anyone to fill any possible emotional void that is created by years of heart aches and hurt. I have emotional baggage and I am not proud of it. I also do not wish to burden any future beaus that might come my way. However, should there be one person out there who is willing to accept my flaws, to understand them rather than to change them.. I will give my whole heart to the person, give the person love, compassion and utmost submission. Ultimately I will make it the most worthy experience that one could ever encounter. Until such person exists, I am rather comfortable being on my own.
K
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