Relationships are difficult

Relationships. It's one of those words that many of us yearned for yet very little of us actually have the ability to sustain it comfortably. Some of us have been in relationships for years and craved for further attention from others... whereas others are only in short bursts of relationships whether by choice or just pure bad luck. 

 

I am one of those people with exceptionally bad lucks when it comes to relationships. My first relationship was with an abusive girlfriend who verbally and physically abused me (yes, very dyke drama), second relationship was with someone who abused drugs and henceforth directed her withdrawals anger on me... there are many other relationships followed that were equally as bad or worst (like a guy who tried to rape me, and a couple of very meaningless long distance relationship). When I finally met a person whom I believed that I could spend the rest of my life with, we broke up (she dumped me for someone younger). Now I am falling for someone who cares deeply for me.. but is already attached and hence she couldn't promise me a future that I so yearned for.

 

Some might say it could well be my personality that attract such fatal relationships, while others, again, might put it down to bad luck. Either or, I am quite screwed. Being much older now, my so called "market value" is in a constant decline and my once confident aura is slowly decreasing too. 

 

I find relationship to be excruciatingly difficult. I don't find myself to be unattractive, infact I still attract a lot of attention that I never asked for, when I walked down the street, I still garner wolf whistles both from men and women.. yet.. I never understood the obstacles that I met in relationships.

 

I believe female + female relationships to be extremely fickled. Without the symbolism of 'marriage' the idea of longevity in such relationships are at best, surreal. We based all our hopes on just 'trust'.. yet within a lot of our minds there are always this shadow of doubt. An ex that might return? A certain girl-friend that just gotten too close? Someone younger or more mature that seem to suit our partner's taste might miraculously appear? Or perhaps they might turn back to the 'other' side and be with men (a lot of such incident is due to the pressure from Asian families). 

 

I am envious of people who have been together for donkey years and never have the relationship woes that I am currently facing.  It is also rare that I based a blog solely on my experience, so I am going to elaborate further on the difficulties lol.  I think it is also difficult being in a relationship for many years and suddenly have it broken, I know people who have been together for over 10 years between the age of 28 to 38 and suddenly the relationship ended.  Sometimes it's for something as simple as "incompatibility" others maybe because there is a 3rd party.  When you are 28, the world is very different, you are still in your 20s and people see you in a light with more yearning and attraction, but when you turned 38, you are fast approaching the dreaded 40s mark.  As such, market value is on an exponential decline.   In the meantime, it is difficult for a person who just got out of a 10 years relationship to infiltrate back into the market.  Jokes that their partner found funny might be disastrous in a group context.  Things you said might sound awkward or salacious even if you didn't mean it.  Relationship conduct might also change... it is all simply quite difficult.

 

I am rambling away, apologies about that haha. I shall 'pen off' now and have you contemplate on my theories. Take care yo!