Long Distance Relationship

We are all hopeful beings, being in a society which chastised gay people in general, finding a meaningful relationship is difficult so a lot of us hence relied on the internet to hopefully find that someone special who can satisfy our need for love. 

 

There are a lot of advantages to online dating, for one thing the value of exterior attraction is diminished for those who are less 'good looking' via the Hollywood standards. Online dating also offers more indepth conversations where people are more likely to divulge more personal information and of course when we chat, we can always press the backspace / delete button if we didn't mean to say certain things. It also offered a window of communication with other 'real life' people behind the screen for those of us who are simply too busy or shy to brave the dating world. 

 

That said, online relationship also comes with a bunch of negatives too, such as is the person real? You could well be talking to a person of a 'wrong' / 'different' gender or the picture the person uploaded could be fake, and of course while conversation flew easier online, it's also much much easier to lie shunt the eye-to-eye encounter. Could the person on the opposite end of the screen be a predator? I myself had been lied to numerous times online.  However, perhaps with new technology like Skype, such misunderstandings are also on a decline..

 

So, personally, I feel that one of the worst things about online dating is simply the distance. Ahh... the infamous long distance relationship. See, sometimes, just sometimes, we might actually find our soulmate online, but most of the time such person happened to be in another state, another country or another continent and while the initial flirting stage can be satisfied via the tip tapping of the keyboard, or the gentle soothing voice via the phone, we as human always desire more. We want touches, we want passion, we want kisses, we want to make love. 

 

So we would eventually meet up with this online gf / bf of ours and there will be all these sickening anticipation, desire.. it would be wonderful, but then departure will eventually come and both will be left feeling miserable and the longing intensify with time. Eventually there will be more meeting ups of course, but there would always be a timeline stipulated on this, in 3 weeks time? in 4 months time? in a year's time? As meeting up become increasingly scarce or burdensome, resentment will eventually built.. and both parties will started to feel the strain of the 'long distance' relationship. 

 

There will be time, as human, that we would injure ourselves and your long distance partner won't be there to comfort you.. you might have suitors who is within closer proximity but loyalty dictates that you stay with your 'long distance' partner.  So... resentment then built further. So... I had always wondered how long distance relationship actually works? Trust, would, of course be an ultimate must to begin with, and we would have to be patient, there should always be a 'plan'... one must be so persistent and consistent in the feelings department.  Perseverance is no longer just a trait, it became a must.

 

When I was younger, I indulged in several long distance relationships before, most of them ended miserably. But I had always been kind of a lone wolf.. which is why it worked for me as I had never liked to be tied down by convention and to be controlled by someone else. But as I aged, I started to feel the need for someone to be closeby, I desired a warm body next to me as I closed my eyes at night, and I enjoy walking together to the sunset right after work, I also yearned for a lot of attention when I got sick or injured myself (I am rather clumsy you see). 

 

Recently a friend of mine just got separated from her gf and they are now in a long distance relationship that is proven hard for them. They are so used to the togetherness that they shared for the last 5 years that this sudden departure made both of them depressed. I honestly don't know how long distance relationship can work. I mean, if a couple still have a lot of passion and yearnings for each other, how could they ever survive the distance between them? Can phone calls, emails, snail mails (huh?), skype, facebook, communication really satisfy that void that both of them left for each other? 

 

It's difficult... I believe that most long distance relationships only work if what the both parties have for each other are only pure love and nothing beyond.. that is, passion, dependence, desire are all dulled for being together for too long or if there is a distinct lack of attractiveness to begin with... (i,e people just got into a relationship for the sake of a relationship)... If you are indeed in a long distance relationship and somehow manage to survive it.. maybe you should really ask yourself if it's fair for the both of you to indulge in something so painful. 

 

 

K