I am actually slowly migrating my blogs from another site to here, the other site has utilitarian tools for blogging and it frustrates me.. hence my apologies for my somewhat disjointed blogs.
It had been 3 years since I had been single, it is really of no fault
of anyone except for me. I was highly infatuated with one solitary
person for most of my single years and perhaps I simply wasn't good enough nor beautiful enough.. we
never ended up a couple. It took me nearly 3 years to fully wake up from
the idealism and got back to reality. Now that I am back 'in the
market' I started to get series of suitors that seemed to have came out
of the woodwork, seriously, where had they been for the past three
years??
Suitors are funny, at least to me they are, they seemed to come in roves.. I am not one of those stunning gorgeous women who seemed to be able to attract people with a flick of my hair (so envy those) or with my absolutely stunning figure (seriously envy those) or with my magnetic charisma (seriously, so many people to envy!). I am rather mild, not timid, but generally not the one that catches double glances (yea, envy those too). That said, I have my nice fair share of suitors.. and when they came, they all came! It is a phenomenal that I had came across several times in my life, it is like we excrete some sort of pheromones when we embraced being single and that triggers interests and curiosity.
Anyways I digressed (oh I do do that), now with my roves (yes, I am not that modest now that I had been single and hungry for 3 years!!) of suitors, I actually get to pick and choose.. some are guys and some are girls. I am ok with either gender (bisexual and all) but I do have, like you know, a set list that I am not too flexible about when I do decide to go on a date with someone. I am one of those annoying stubborn old lady that simply believed that we should at least keep some basic principles in being with someone.. but as I aged, said list became shorter and slimmer. I don't like to say that it is because I am losing market value, but more because I am becoming clearer on limitations of human beings as I dated more.
Ok.. now my list is rather short and simple, should be within close proximity (like at least same country or state), should be butch or manly and should be single. Sounds simple right? NO! It appears that people who are slowly interested in me are either effeminate, overseas or attached! Like wtf??? So I relate my "list" to my friend and she told me that is a "hard" list... O_O. I have to really rethink my principles if I don't wish to become an old maid.
That said, I had pretty much short listed my suitors, it isn't that hard to short list because, again, from experience, they will drop off one by one without much persuasions anyways. There is this one female that I spoke to almost every night and I had became rather fond of her... she couldn't make the list because we weren't in the same country... granted she was only about 2 hours flight away, but distance will always be distance until we make a teleportation machine (ahhh.. can't wait for 2083 when my children didn't have to endure mommy's Sophie's choice). There is something about her voice each time she called me, it was as if she was filled with hope and desire that it sincerely touched me. I am now becoming less adamant of maintaining my ground, but I still believe that if ones are meant to be, they will.
Then there is this butch that is attached, or perhaps newly single (I have my doubts about that though), she was kind and laborious in her pursuit of me. She remembers things I like, will go all out to look for things that I need and even planned painstakingly of giving me numerous surprises just so she can see me once a while. Well, again, she didn't make the list because she was, well, attached.. but it felt good to have someone who genuinely cared for what you wanted.. cuz at the end of the day isn't that what we all seeked?
There are a couple of other short listed suitors that I shan't bore you about. My ultimate point of this article is actually to emphasize infatuation. Infatuation is a wonderful word. It is slightly higher than crush but lower than love. It is almost a chemical feeling that surrounds one's mind and body during this brief time (for me, people who were infatuation with me at most lasted one year, I didn't have a good track record). During this period of dizzy infatuation, there are pulses of desire floating all over the place, you have this surge of hormone, this unselfish need to please and this eagerness to see the person you are infatuated with. I am a visual and physical person, so sight and touch is of utmost necessity for me to even think about infatuation. I am not one of people who said they will be mentally in love (been there, done that, don't like it). Yet I, like most people, enjoy the surge of infatuation that is showered upon me. I can hear it in one's voice, see it in one's eyes and feel the electricity or the gentle ripple of one's hand should I accidentally brushed against them. The rush of infatuation is exhilarating. It is like the most beautiful scent one could ever encounter, the softest silk that touches one's face, the gentle wind's sound blowing against the meadow, simply the most exciting feeling that trigger one's senses.
I might not be able to reciprocate as I am extremely guarded (3 years of singlehood and rejection and another year of recovery can do that to you) and I wish, I wish, I can eventually feel that rush of infatuation washed along my mind and body too. In time perhaps.. in time..
K
Suitors are funny, at least to me they are, they seemed to come in roves.. I am not one of those stunning gorgeous women who seemed to be able to attract people with a flick of my hair (so envy those) or with my absolutely stunning figure (seriously envy those) or with my magnetic charisma (seriously, so many people to envy!). I am rather mild, not timid, but generally not the one that catches double glances (yea, envy those too). That said, I have my nice fair share of suitors.. and when they came, they all came! It is a phenomenal that I had came across several times in my life, it is like we excrete some sort of pheromones when we embraced being single and that triggers interests and curiosity.
Anyways I digressed (oh I do do that), now with my roves (yes, I am not that modest now that I had been single and hungry for 3 years!!) of suitors, I actually get to pick and choose.. some are guys and some are girls. I am ok with either gender (bisexual and all) but I do have, like you know, a set list that I am not too flexible about when I do decide to go on a date with someone. I am one of those annoying stubborn old lady that simply believed that we should at least keep some basic principles in being with someone.. but as I aged, said list became shorter and slimmer. I don't like to say that it is because I am losing market value, but more because I am becoming clearer on limitations of human beings as I dated more.
Ok.. now my list is rather short and simple, should be within close proximity (like at least same country or state), should be butch or manly and should be single. Sounds simple right? NO! It appears that people who are slowly interested in me are either effeminate, overseas or attached! Like wtf??? So I relate my "list" to my friend and she told me that is a "hard" list... O_O. I have to really rethink my principles if I don't wish to become an old maid.
That said, I had pretty much short listed my suitors, it isn't that hard to short list because, again, from experience, they will drop off one by one without much persuasions anyways. There is this one female that I spoke to almost every night and I had became rather fond of her... she couldn't make the list because we weren't in the same country... granted she was only about 2 hours flight away, but distance will always be distance until we make a teleportation machine (ahhh.. can't wait for 2083 when my children didn't have to endure mommy's Sophie's choice). There is something about her voice each time she called me, it was as if she was filled with hope and desire that it sincerely touched me. I am now becoming less adamant of maintaining my ground, but I still believe that if ones are meant to be, they will.
Then there is this butch that is attached, or perhaps newly single (I have my doubts about that though), she was kind and laborious in her pursuit of me. She remembers things I like, will go all out to look for things that I need and even planned painstakingly of giving me numerous surprises just so she can see me once a while. Well, again, she didn't make the list because she was, well, attached.. but it felt good to have someone who genuinely cared for what you wanted.. cuz at the end of the day isn't that what we all seeked?
There are a couple of other short listed suitors that I shan't bore you about. My ultimate point of this article is actually to emphasize infatuation. Infatuation is a wonderful word. It is slightly higher than crush but lower than love. It is almost a chemical feeling that surrounds one's mind and body during this brief time (for me, people who were infatuation with me at most lasted one year, I didn't have a good track record). During this period of dizzy infatuation, there are pulses of desire floating all over the place, you have this surge of hormone, this unselfish need to please and this eagerness to see the person you are infatuated with. I am a visual and physical person, so sight and touch is of utmost necessity for me to even think about infatuation. I am not one of people who said they will be mentally in love (been there, done that, don't like it). Yet I, like most people, enjoy the surge of infatuation that is showered upon me. I can hear it in one's voice, see it in one's eyes and feel the electricity or the gentle ripple of one's hand should I accidentally brushed against them. The rush of infatuation is exhilarating. It is like the most beautiful scent one could ever encounter, the softest silk that touches one's face, the gentle wind's sound blowing against the meadow, simply the most exciting feeling that trigger one's senses.
I might not be able to reciprocate as I am extremely guarded (3 years of singlehood and rejection and another year of recovery can do that to you) and I wish, I wish, I can eventually feel that rush of infatuation washed along my mind and body too. In time perhaps.. in time..
K
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