First Love?

Do you remember your first love? The person whom you fall so hard for that you simply didn't know how to turn back from such a journey? 

First love is what we can sometimes called "puppy love" and perhaps it would have been the first determinant for whether we are gay / straight. First love is a rush like no other love, you can literally blush when the person you have fall for walked past and you felt completely at lost when he / she started talking with you. The feeling was simply... sublime (yes I am using posh word today, been watching too much english series you see). 

To be honest, I don't really know what First Love really is. I am one of those softies that simply couldn't say 'no' when someone told me they loved me and while I was single, I would smile forcefully and mumbled (almost incoherently with an) "oh I love you too". As such, I went into SEVERAL meaningless relationship where my feelings for them were simply.. care and not as intense as "love". 

But if I really have to choose, I would say my Singapore ex (lets call her Lanna for the anonymous lesbian thing) was my first (and perhaps to date, my only) love. I fall in love with Lanna when I was in my twenties and she had an uncanny ability to make me laugh about EVERYTHING. She could do an impersonation of spiderman and I would have bawled out laughing. In reality, she was possibly not that funny yet she somehow tickled every funny bone in my body. Whenever I saw her, I would smile from within my soul.. and wherever I go, whomever I met images of her floated around in my mind like a photo album. That aura of daze gave me 3 odd years of bliss before she broke my heart and found someone else. The breakup between her and I (if you had read any of my old blogs.. you would have realize how broken I was.. gosh, please don't read them.. and gosh where the heck is that darn delete button!?!?!?
 
So uhm... it happened again, I got distracted.. Lets go back to this idea of First Love. I recently got very addicted to a manga called "Aoi Hana". Download it / read it online / buy it, I assure you won't regret it!! And the main theme of the manga was about first love.. this idea of flawless love that transcended beyond time / age / personality was simply breathtaking. When we fall in love for the first time in our love, that intense feeling of longing, heat (wink) can literally drive us into oblivion. I am talking about this body chemistry that nothing else can even come close. People who scoffed at first love are perhaps people who had never actually fallen in love before. This feeling will last a lifetime but it would never return again even if you do have the ability to fall in love multiple times. 
 
Now that Valentines has just passed by, I do hope you would spare a moment of thought for your first love... yet if you are celebrating said Valentines with your first love, I congratulate you. You are one of those lucky ones who had gotten the one that had never gotten away. I, along with 90% of people out there, would spare that thought for our first love... or perhaps a person whom we love yet left us, we miss the 'first love' of our life, sometimes perhaps not the person, but that intense feeling that made us alive in natural high. 

Good night